Where have you been?

Cold sweats.
Not how you want to wake up.
It was cold in the room and the blanket I was given was itchy and rough.
I can hear people screaming in the hallway.
Im scared.
I just want it to be a bad dream.
I have none of my belongings. No cell phone, no purse, not even my own clothes.
The tv is on but its not anything I would watch.
My mind is sitting in silence.
Theres a knock on my door.
The nurse comes in with my dinner. Its no luxury meal but it’ll do.

I’ve been in this facility for two days.
Feeling alone. I don’t know anyone. Im scared. I just want this to be a dream.

After a phone call I made to someone very close to me, I had a journal, bible and pen on it’s way to me.

It all started about 2 weeks ago.
I became very overwhelmed with work and even church. I was performing but my heart wasn’t in it. I was on auto pilot.
It got to the point where I wasn’t sleeping or even able to eat.
My thoughts were in a dark place.
It all happened so fast.

The last thing on my mind was calling out to the Lord.
I was heavily relying on my support system instead of God.

Once I received my bible, journal and pen I began to write and read again. I hadn’t spent time with God for a while which made me feel the distance.

2 days turned into 3.
I began attending the group meetings they offered, if I was going to be here I might as well try to get better. After one of the meetings, I decided to pray and worship. I felt bad for those who heard my squeaky voice.

I began questioning God.
Why am I here?
When will I be free?
Why is this happened to me?
Where is God?
After what seemed to be about two hours, I decided to wait. Wait for the Lord to speak.
After waiting about ten minutes, I gave up so I could try and sleep.

It was at that moment that I heard from the Lord. He spoke to me loud and clear, “hold onto me”. I started weeping. An uncontrollable weeping that makes it hard to breathe.

I began to feel a glimmer of hope.

The next morning I woke up and started to read my bible, if I was going to be released I needed to quit relying on my own strength. I needed to put him first.

After lunch on the fourth day, I could feel my faith increasing, the Lord was with me and was changing my heart.

Finally, the nurse came in and told me to go ahead and arrange my pickup.
I was a little afraid because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

I gathered my things and two of my sisters in Christ came to pick me up.

As soon as I stepped foot outside, I felt a rush of peace. The kind of peace that is unexplainable. I knew God was with me.
I heard the Lord say “stay with me and seek me”.

The question “God, where have you been?” Kept popping into my head.
But in reality, God was asking me, “kristen, where have you been?”

Whenever you are going through anything, seek God. He IS with you every step of the way.

He is true
He is faithful
He will never leave you
He sees your end from the beginning
And He will guide you no matter how you are feeling.

You are not alone.

If you need prayer, need an ear, or are experiencing issues with your mental health, reach out. You are NOT alone.